Archive for February, 2010

Deb’s House Concerts

Negative Thinking or Positive and Bubbly?

My post two days ago was about a study that said therapy that tries to help people feel better might actually make them feel worse, because it shows them how very bad they feel. They called it self-help through negative thinking. Today, I want to offer a link to a positively bubbly guy who calls himself Davey Wavey. He must be off the scale on the Extroversion and Optimism categories.

Davey Wavey’s Blog – Break the Illusion

The man who calls himself Davey Wavey has a blog called Break the Illusion.  He’s young and fit and energetic and positive. He writes positive posts. He has lots of positive videos of himself talking to YOU (or me, if I’m watching). And, he has lots of pictures of himself not wearing a shirt (“I’m allergic to shirts.”)

Davey Wavey’s World View

You won’t be wasting your time if you spend a few minutes on Davey Wavey’s blog “Break the Illusion.” Here’s a little of what he said about himself in his “about me” video.

My three favorite beliefs:

I live in a world that is infinitely beautiful, and if you could just see a fraction, a fraction of how beautiful everything is, you would be totally be blinded.

I believe that you create your world through the perspective that you choose to hold.

And, I believe that everything is one.

Davey Wavey’s Mission

This is his stated mission:

My life’s mission is to 1.) share my love with the world 2.) teach others about the pervasive oneness of this perfect universe and 3.) learn, grow and develop from all my experiences and all my teachers.

Check out Davey Wavey

Break the Illusion

About Davey Wavey


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Deb’s House Concerts

Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking

This article caught my eye. That’s not so unusual, many articles catch my eye. But, I like to read explanations of human behavior, and this one had its own special twist.

Does Trying to Feel Good Make You Feel Worse?

That’s pretty much what I got out of this article. It said people spend so much time and money on self-help books and therapists, and they’re all trying to reach the goal of feeling better, but, the author says, trying to feel better only makes some people feel worse (because it highlights how bad they really feel).

Tangled Course of Thought

That’s an interesting perspective. And, I do agree that in certain states of mind, being told that one should feel better would probably only make a person feel worse.  But, I don’t think trying to feel better is an entirely bad choice if one is not feeling good.

They Did a Study

The article was actually based on a study, and I (actually) do somewhat agree with their conclusion.

The paper provides support for newer forms of psychotherapy that urge people to accept their negative thoughts and feelings rather than try to reject and fight them. In the fighting, we not only often fail but can also make things worse. Mindfulness and meditation techniques, in contrast, can teach people to put their shortcomings into a larger, more realistic perspective. Call it the power of negative thinking.

Read It for Yourself

Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking

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Deb’s House Concerts

Another Comment-to-Post Transition

In my usual way, I left a comment on someone else’s blog, and now I’m posting it here as a post. How slack is that? 😉

Posting A Comment On One Of Gretchen Rubin’s Posts

I must like what this woman has to say. I’m posting about her posts yet again! Well, I do think we have a lot to do with our own happiness, and she posts about happiness. So, hmmm. Maybe there is something there to like?

I Don’t Think We Can Control Everything

I don’t think everything can be ‘cured’ by the the right kind of thinking, but I do think that sometimes we can change ourselves (our brain chemistry?) by what we think (for better or for worse). Some things are just too big to change completely, but I think we can always take little steps in a positive direction.

Don’t Hold Me To It

I don’t believe we can fix everything in our brains, just like we can’t fix everything in our bodies. But, I do think we can go through the motions and take steps that just might trigger a cascade of positive events.  I really do believe that.

What About Job Loss?

Well, what about it? I’ve lost my job before. And, I’ve been through a takeover, an outsourcing, a cross-country move to stay with the company, a spin-off, and a reduction-in-force. I’ve certainly lived the life of anxiety related to work. There are plenty of reasons to be anxious when it comes to employment, or lack of.  So, there’s no preaching here.

There’s A Silver Lining?

For me, there has been a silver lining each time something bad has happened. And, what I don’t know is if it was there because I chose to view it in a certain way, or if it was there just because it was there. I do think there is something to the idea that how we see our lives and our experiences actually influences how we experience our lives and our experiences. Is that confusing?

Here’s What I Said On Gretchen’s Newest Post


Hi Gretchen, I’m sure I’ll be posting this list on my blog dhconcerts .wordpress .com. And, I plan to send it now to a dear friend whose job was rudely taken away after years of dedicated service (and, huge gains made to the company because of him). I’ve been through unwanted changes in employment a few times, too, with words like takeover, outsourcing, spin-off, reduction-in-force.

The good thing I learned (through unexpected changes in employment) is that an unexpected bad thing almost always presents an opportunity for a new start that I was too timid to attempt on my own. It’s even happened with physical situations, like an injury ending one direction I was taking, and the new post-injury direction working out even better than the original plan.

I like to think that every bad thing I encounter leads me to the next good (and even better) situation in my life. It really has turned out that way for me. So, it’s how I live now. It works well for me. It helps me keep a perspective of curiosity and hopeful anticipation rather than anxiety and fear for the future.

Here’s What Gretchen Said In Her Post

Well, this isn’t all she said, but it’s her list of ‘happiness tips’ for today.

Balanced Life– 9 Tips For Feeling Happier When You’ve Lost Your Job — Or Fear You Might.

1. Get enough sleep.

2. Get some exercise.

3. Stay connected to other people.

4. Cultivate an atmosphere of growth in some area of your life.

5. Help someone else.

6. Clear some clutter.

7. Be wary of “treating” yourself.

8. Distract yourself.

9. Remind yourself of what you have.

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Deb’s House Concerts

January 19 – February 19, 2010

19 Jan 2010 to 19 Feb 2010: 4,376 visits shown above

Statistics updated 19 Feb 2010@11:49GMT:4,407 visits

Total since 19 Jan 2010: 4,407. Previous 24hrs: 147

distance in which individuals are clusteredDot sizes:

= 1,000+ = 100 – 999 = 10 – 99 = 1 – 9 visits

Click the picture to enlarge.


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Deb’s House Concerts

On the Last Day

I was in her town for parts of four days. I called her the third day, twice, but no one answered or returned my calls. On the fourth day, I made phone calls until I found someone who told me she was in the hospital. I stopped by to see her, soon after that call, on my way out of town.

Close to the End

I did not recognize her from the door, and I asked the nurse to be sure I was entering the right room.  She was alone.  Her face was covered with an oxygen mask. Her eyes were closed. She looked so different from the last time I saw her when she was smiling and gracious in her home.

Can’t They DO Something?

She appeared to be sleeping. I could hear her breathing from where I stood, but she did not seem to be in any distress. I felt distressed looking at her. Can’t someone DO something to HELP her? She’s going to DIE!  I set my coat on the chair, and took her hand in mine. I thought her eyes opened slightly, but she did not move or speak.  I let go of her hand and she raised it up and moved it around, so I held it again, and it felt like she was holding my hand.

They Were In and Out

Her caretakers were in and out of the room. They did what health care workers do: dressing changes, vital signs, breathing treatments, exercising limbs, helping her sit up for a few minutes. The only thing she said was, “I’m so tired.” It was hard to hear her behind the mask. The people came in, one after another, sometimes two at a time.  Her eyes stayed closed, but she stated her name and birthdate when they asked.

They Finally Left

When they finished all that had to be done, they indicated that I was free to visit.  I moved the straight-backed chair to the other side of the bed, and sat down beside her, so I could talked to her. It was the first time I had talked to her since I’d arrived. There had been so much commotion. When they’d asked who I was, I’d said, “I’m a friend.”  I still did not know if she’d opened her eyes enough to see me, or if she knew it was me. But, she’d responded “appropriately” when they’d asked her questions, so I knew she was awake and alert.

My Last Words

I felt so sad. I knew, believed, that she did not have long to live. I told her who I was, in case she’d not seen me and recognized me. I told her, “I finished my (school) program a week ago today. I’ve been visiting (a friend). I just found out where you were today, and I wanted to see you.” I also told her, “I brought you some M&Ms, but you don’t seem like you feel good enough to eat them.” I believed I heard a ‘no’. I also believed I heard a ‘no’ when I asked if she was hurting.

I Love You

I told her, “I want you to know I love you.”  I told her I had to leave, but I would return. She said, “tomorrow?” I said, “No. I have to go home today. Will you be here next week? I will try to come back to see you next week.” She tried to answer. She said things I could not understand.

Close to My Heart

I felt so sad. I did not believe she would be there in a week. I felt like I should not leave, but my time was up. I knew if she was still alive in a week, I would come and sit with her and hold her hand. She seemed to want the company.  I did not want her to die alone.  I was crying. “I will always hold you close to my heart.”  I was thinking, “I have to go, but I do not want you to feel alone. I don’t know if you will die before I return. What if I never see you again? I want you to know what you mean to me.” I said, “I will always hold you close to my heart.”

She Touched My Life

She was someone who touched my life when I was very young.  She was a favorite adult for all my life, even though I never found her again to know her again until a year ago, over forty years later.  Of course neither of us looked the same. We took a picture together. She said, “I look so old.”  I thought, “Me, too.” She was a young adult when I was a young child, and something in the way she treated me stayed with me for my entire life. Something about her was so special that I carried the memory of her in my heart for my entire life.

Because of You

Here she was, in a hospital bed, too tired to have her eyes open, too tired to move, too tired to live. I have worked with many people who were dying. I think I know dying when I see it. I was so sad thinking the treatments would not bring her back this time.  I was crying. I said, “The world is a better place because of you.” She responded. She said something like, “That’s something that’s good to hear.” I wanted her to know. I had told her before, but I wanted her to know it again before she died. She touched my life when I was very young. She made a lasting impression.  I wish I could have known her all my life, but things don’t always work out the way we might imagine. I was so grateful to have found her again in the past year.

Her Last Words

She said things to me, but I don’t know what she said. I could not understand the words from behind the oxygen mask. The only  things I understood that she said to me were, “Tomorrow?” when I said I had to leave, but I would be back, and her response when I said the world is better because of her.  I have no idea what else she said to me.

Plans to Return

I had hoped that she would respond to treatments, and get better. But, I was afraid it was too late for anything else to help. I made plans to go back this week for three days to sit with her, but I looked at the obituaries every day for the news I did not want to find.

My Mother Told Me

I visited my parents in the late evening, and my mother said, “I have some sad news. (She) died.”  I told my mom about our last visit, and we both cried. I said, “I should have stayed. I should have stayed one more day.”  If I had realized she really was in her last hours, I probably would have changed my travel plans to stay with her as long as she wanted.  I am so grateful that I was able to spend some time with her on her last full day on earth. I am so grateful that I was able to say goodbye in a way that let her know I loved her and would miss her, but will remember her always.

Our Loss Is Her Gain

I wish I had known her all the years in between my childhood when she touched my life and her last year when we met again.  I only knew her for parts of two years of my life. I imagine that those who knew her and loved her for many years were blessed exponentially by how wonderful she was. My friend in that town only met her once, but she made such an impression that she is mourning her loss, too.

Don’t Ever Underestimate the Value of Your Love

Don’t ever underestimate the value of your love: your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your gentleness, your smile, your laughter, your words of encouragement, your support, your shoulder to cry on, your inspiration … all the good that you do. Don’t ever imagine that your life has no purpose. If you have ever been kind to a child, you have done a good thing in this world. If you have spent your life living in a loving way, you have added much value to this world.  If you give a child a reason to believe in herself, or himself, you have done a wonderful thing. Don’t ever underestimate the value of your love.

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Deb’s House Concerts

Getting Along With Others

Sometimes we all need a little help when faced with a difficult situation (or someone’s bad behavior).  Some people seem to be very good at it. Others may not be so good.

Here’s Some Great Advice

I totally copied this list of hints.

10 Ways To Deal With Difficult People

by Tara Stiles

We all deal differently.

Here are 10 ways to deal with difficult people without driving yourself crazy.

1. Have Compassion

2. Extract from Personality

3. You and they are the same

4. Distance yourself from the outcome

5. Stand up for yourself

6. Practice lovingkindness

7. Choose your battles

8. This too shall pass

9. Vent to a friend

10. Take the time to unwind

Read the Entire Article

10 Ways To Deal With Difficult People

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Deb’s House Concerts

I Was Not Talking About Gossip

I don’t like to be the subject of gossip, and I don’t particularly want to hear the gossip either. I don’t like to be clueless about the world around me, but I don’t want to be part of the negative swirl either. And, if someone is quick to say bad things about other people who are not around, what do they say about me when I’m not around?

Trying to Remember Why This Is Important

Well, of course it’s important. But, why did it come to mind? It just occurred to me. I don’t know what I was thinking about. For some reason, I thought about how I say that every so often. “I love a good story.”

Maybe I’ve Been Slow to Learn

Do you ever look back over your life in a flash-back kind of a way and just have a glimpse, a snapshot of moments in your past? Sometimes I cringe when I think of how something I did or said may have hurt someone.  If we’re all students in the school of life, it is filled with lessons, and there is a lot of homework. And, I’m still learning.

I Like the Self-Told About-Self Stories

I admit, I don’t tell enough stories on myself. But, I do enjoy a good story. I like to hear people tell their own stories. They don’t have to be funny stories, just tales about life as they experience it. Maybe that’s why I spend so much time surfing and reading blogs. It gives a glimpse into the lives of others, a glimpse  into the other bubbles.


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