Tell Those You Love and Those You Work With (Robert’s advice)
I left another comment for Robert. I don’t really understand being married to a woman and talking all the time about being attracted to men, but that’s how it happens over at The Architect’s Garage. Robert does not see himself as ‘gay’, but merely as “having same sex attraction,” and he posts videos of himself talking about “same sex attraction”. I’ve told him many times I do not understand being in a marriage, claiming to love your spouse, and talking constantly about attraction to others outside the marriage. But, he does not see it as a problem. In the video posted today, Robert says people who “have same sex attraction” should be honest with the people in their lives, including family and people at work. I can’t see it when a person is currently married and says he intends to stay that way, but maybe I’m just clueless.
Here’s the Comment I Submitted
If everyone who was sexually abused became gay (as you suggest), LOTS more people would be gay than are gay.
That said, not everyone who is gay was sexually abused. I know you talk about it as if every gay person was sexually abused, but it’s not true.
Also, you make the assumption that everyone who identifies as gay is having sex, or has had sex, with someone of the same sex. Maybe. Maybe not. But, that’s not the issue. Your sexual orientation is part of who you are, whether or not you are with someone of the same sex.
Not having sex with a man does not make you not gay. Being attracted to men the way you are, there’s no question that it is part of who you are and your sexual identity. You just choose not to claim the label. You call it SSA. Other people call the same thing being gay. I’m guessing you’ll identify it as being gay after a few more years.
ps – I agree with the “don’t hide” advice. I don’t really understand telling other people that you are attracted to people outside your marriage. That seems like it could stir up some serious problems. But, in general, telling someone is much healthier than keeping a tightly held secret.
April 25, 2010 11:15 PM